The Scary Lady

There are many, many scary ladies out there.  Scary for many reasons, but to me, this lady is a true, living  nightmare.



I saw this clip about four years ago and it has stayed with me ever since.

It might sound dramatic but shows like this are sometimes too much for me. This is not just television...shows like The Wire and The Corner are frighteningly accurate depictions of life in the inner city, and of people like this lady, who are vehemently and violently opposed to any type of positive change.

How do you deal with someone like her?

After you meet her, you recognize that her son needs even more help than you thought. And besides help, he needs protection...FROM HER!!!! For those of you who don't know, in other episodes she belittles him for not being a better drug dealer, refuses to work and places the burden of financial support on her teenage son.  It may seem extreme, but people like her do exist, and in some areas, they are the norm.

Here are some of the questions that would come up in my team meeting:

• Do you continue to talk to her son against her wishes?
• Do we attempt to remove him from the home immediately?
• What if she slaps you?  Lol, but seriously.  What if? 

Thank God, someone was able to stop her reign of terror...

It seems like no matter what, she was dead set on her son ending up dead or in jail.  In her mind, dying in the street over drugs, or rotting in prison is the real definition of a "soldier," and she obviously respected drug dealers a hell of a lot more than teachers.  Whats even worse, is that her son had decided to choose a different life and she was there at every point to guide him back down a negative path.  Scary indeed.

Why Kells Why?

I love music...any kind of music...

Especially music that inspires, uplifts, reflects our times and tells our stories...

I found myself in a dilemma this week after hearing two GREAT songs by the preeminent crazy-ass story-teller of our time...the Pied Piper himself, Mr. R. Kelly.

First, I saw the video for Sign of AVictory: An incredibly inspiring song and video, reminiscent of I Believe I Can Fly, but even more inspiring and uplifting.  The message and the music of this song give me chills. Check it Below:

I could cry...

And then I saw this...


Its like Rafael Saadiq, mixed with a heaping portion of Sam Cooke, and topped off with a dollop of sparkling white teeth and shape up.
Everything. The mics, the photography, the suspenders, the craziness at the end...I just love it.

Just as I begin to feel the happiness come over me, I think of all that nonsense that went on a few years back. I work with girls so when something like that happens I wonder how the public is supposed to react and for how long. Back when it first happened, the public outcry was strong, every scholar wrote articles, every comedian made jokes, and everyone else was mortified.

But then, it seemed like it was all good again...it became one of those things that we just overlooked and didn't discuss, especially when he came out with hit after hit. It was crazy...and it still is to me...I don't know. Maybe it was a mistake and it wasn't him, or maybe it was him and we should have rode him out of town on a rail.  For me, and my purposes, I just wonder if its possible to be committed to serving women and girls and also jump around and sing with R. Kelly...or bob my head to Chris Brown. I wonder if appreciating their music and talent means that I (directly or indirectly) support the choices they make when it comes to women.  Yikes...I sure hope not.

Bearing Arms in the Hood: Does Owning a Gun Make Me a Part of the Problem?

So...a bullet came through my window last night...

And flew into the kitchen cabinet...

I heard the shots, and although it startled me, I had no idea it came into the house until I woke up this morning. Thank God no one was injured. I'm sure it wasn't intended for us but I couldn't help but be scared, and the thought of explaining it to my daughters is sickening.

A few weeks ago, a guy they know was shot across the street. A while ago, my oldest daughter had her phone stolen out of her hand by some jerk while she was walking down the street...he was never caught and she still sees him often. And now this...

Hot Lead

Unfortunately, for us, I chose an area populated by a bunch of baby thugs...unsupervised miscreants who would rather shoot someone than work out their real issues. You know...the kind of kids that get a reality check in jail once they found out who is really tough... I get that they're misguided... victims of every negative thing our society has ever birthed, and I feel for them...but I'll be damned if I'm gonna let one of these little bastards take anything from me.

I work in the community, and I'd do anything in my power to help someone change their lives for the better. However, too many times, you hear of the basketball coach giving his everything to help kids, only to be shot dead on the very court where he helped others learn. Or the social worker beaten to a pulp for giving a damn about the welfare of someone else's children.

So...several times recently, I've contemplated buying the biggest shotgun possible,
and actually daydreamed about blasting a whole in the chest of an unexpected intruder...sick, I know. The only problem with buying a gun is that I'm afraid of the karma that comes with it...

I feel like if you surround yourself with negative things, you draw negativity into your life...like, I'd never really need a gun until I actually have one, get it?
The thought of purchasing a gun makes me feel like I'm going over to the dark side...and becoming part of the bigger problem at hand.

Even though in every city, every day, innocent people are robbed and murdered, and even killed inside their homes by stray bullets I know a gun wouldn't have protected me against this stray, but protecting my home and my family is my top priority, and it seems like the bad guys have the upper hand. They don't even think twice about having guns, or about robbing little girls or shooting innocent people.

I don't know...I want to be a part of the solution, but more than that I want to feel safe in my own home...but who says guns equal safety...more questions than answers.

Does owning a gun make me a part of the problem? What do you think?

Surrogates

I watched a movie today called Surrogates, starring Bruce Willis and a bunch of other people. The movie depicts the world...in the future of course, when humans have the ability to operate their daily lives as their ideal versions of themselves by using robot-like "surrogates". Surrogates operate in the real world while the actual human is at home attached to a machine using their minds to control the robot, and live their daily lives. The movie itself was kind of hokey, but the concept behind it made me think a little. What if you could design every aspect of your physical appearance to your liking? If you wanted an ass like Beyonce, you could have it. Boobs like Halle Berry, sure. Whatever you want, your surrogate can have, and people never have to see the real you, or any of the flaws you wish to conceal. The surrogate operates in the world as you, while you lay back in the comfort of your own home. Hmmm...

At first I was like no way would I do that...its ridiculous and incredibly shallow. But as I watched more, I started...thinking. What if I could program my surrogate to have hair that doesn't kink up in the rain? Then I would only need it for bad hair days. Nothing else. But...what if I could also get a six pack so I could finally wear that sexy bikini I bought? Then I would only need the surrogate during the summer months. Oh, and I hate going out when I'm PMS'ing...so I would only need the surrogate every month for approximately 7 days. Before I knew it, I had the whole calendar covered.

In the movie, no one went outside as themselves. There were surrogates in every city and country in the world. Seeing a "meatbag" on the outside was a rarity, as there were 35 million active surrogates in the world.

It was obviously a metaphor for our obsession with plastic surgery, and our refusal to accept our God-given attributes. Although having a surrogate body is a little more extreme than plastic surgery, I quickly learned that you’re on a slippery slope when you can pick and choose how you want yourself to look. Once you get that first nose job, you’re eventually gonna need a face lift. A boob job is nothing without a tummy tuck to compliment it…heck, why not just get a surrogate and design your body like a quilt! See what I mean? I wonder what the Big Guy thinks about it.

With all its vanity, the prevailing message of the film ended up being that we should all be happy being ourselves. I won't spoil the ending but the movie opened my eyes to some of my own insecurities that I need to address. So what if my hair turns to an afro in the humidity...that's what ponytails and headbands are for. Who cares if your ass is flat and your boobs are saggy, a few trips to the gym could help with that. The important question is: What's your heart like? Are you kind to others, and giving of yourself and your time? That's what really matters. Whatever improvements you want to make, make them to please yourself, not the outside world. Be yourself and not a robot.

When it All Falls Down...

When I heard about Fantasia's suicide attempt, I felt bad that she had reached such a low point in her life that she would want to end it all. I hope she recovers and gets the help she needs. The sad thing is that whether she knows it or not, she put herself in this situation to begin with. We cannot see the future and love is often blind, but if we're smart enough we can avoid pain and sorrow.

Its just not cool to mess around with a married man. Ofcourse he played a HUGE part in the whole thing, and should be held accountable for his actions,(maybe even more so than Fantasia, because he was the one who was married) but she broke rule #1 in the Womanhood Code of Ethics: Get Your Own Man.

She says she was in love with him, and that he misled her into thinking he was separated from his wife. She obviously fell hard for him, as the enormous tattoo on her shoulder showed. Even if she did think they were separated, its just inappropriate to flaunt around with a man until he is divorced. As my grandmom would say: "it just don't look nice."

Its tough enough to be a woman these days without creating more drama in your life than necessary. Love yourself enough to know that what's yours is yours and what's hers is hers. Avoid this type of mess by being sure that the person your with is truly available.
There are always clues to pick up on, you just have to keep your eyes open.

We can go back and forth all day on the double standards for men and women, but there's some things that women who respect themselves just don't do. Its about more than just the other woman's feelings...its about recognizing that you're worth more than just half of somebody's love and time. Pursue a man that can be 100% yours and do not accept cheating in any form.

I'm not going to bash Fantasia for her choices, because its obvious that she regrets some of her decisions. I hope she comes away from this healthy, as a better person, making better choices and surrounding herself with positive people. We can also learn from her mistakes. Especially the younger girls. In life, you can't expect positive things to happen to you when you behave in a negative way. When you associate with negative people (i.e. a cheating husband) your life will be negatively impacted. Even if it seems like its all good, there WILL come a time when it all falls down.

This has been one of the most relaxing and enjoyable summers I can remember. Ofcourse, there's the stress of not having a job, but that stress is far outweighed by the joy I feel spending time with my family and creating the kind of memories with them that my mother created with me.

I realized a long time ago that I was not the type to work a million years for someone else and when I realized that it became more and more difficult to go to work everyday. Don't get me wrong, I've never been lazy, its just that I would prefer to set my own hours and receive inspiration from nature rather than be couped up in an office all day waiting for 5pm when I would be set free.

During this time, I've also been able to regroup and learn more about myself, which I could never have done before. Like many people, I was putting way more into my job than I was getting out of it. We all know that work will sometimes be stressful and demanding, but it should never be the most demanding or stressful thing in your life. NEVER!

I'll be going back to work in the Fall. Back to the hustle and bustle, back to dealing with nosy co-workers and miserable managers. But I've given myself a deadline: two more years MAX! Only two more years of being dependent on someone else for my income. To make this happen, I need to spend the next two years doing everything in my power to get my businesses fully functioning and be in a place where I can spend everyday enjoying the beauty of nature and relying on my own intelligence and intuition to survive. This summer has given me just a taste of honey...mama wants the whole beehive.

Sigh...

That is all.

I'm not a hater...I swear.

Seriously.
A hater is the thing that no one should be. It represents jealousy, envy and anger and I don't get down like that. I support everybody's come up and I'm constantly inspired by other people's success...
But....
If I have to endure the ignorance of another "reality show" I swear to Rob my f'in head is going to explode. Jeeeeez...

Every week there's a new dimwit on the screen...somebody who's point of view is supposed to instantly become important because they have a show on Bravo. Like I wasn't concerned about domestic violence until Monique's last episode...and I couldn't possibly have an opinion on immigration reform until LisaRaye blessed us with her insights. FOH!

Is your only accomplishment in life that you got smutted by a basketball player? Do you feel proud that your daughters see you on tv fighting and yelling in the damn street? Seriously.

What about the stories of millions of women like me who work hard everyday and struggle to make ends meet, but stay positive and focused on their goals and dreams. I guess that's not interesting enough...its more than a little discouraging.

I guess it says more about us as a society that the demand for this garbage is so high.

In closing: To all the Frankies and Neffes, the Tinys and the Toyas, the Snookis and the NeNes...I'm going to get a tv show and its gonna rock, and you all will not be invited.